I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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