But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
