I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
