You smell like stripper and shame
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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