My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
