WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
