Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
