Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
