they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
