Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
