Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
