Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
