I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
