HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
