i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I believe in your delicious
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize