so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The adults are the big ones right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
