used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He better not be in your backpack
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
