he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize