I didn't shave. On purpose
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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