mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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