I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
