God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
