Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
