Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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