There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize