While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
