1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
