i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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