I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
