I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
