just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The best revenge is premature balding
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
