Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
babies were throwing up all over the place
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
