I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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