I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
