im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
