hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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