I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Me too!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
