Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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