Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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