i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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