I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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