Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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