i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
