Someone shit on the floor
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
