is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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