He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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