im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
