Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
