I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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