i just had sex bonerless
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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