I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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