Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize
