the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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