FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
