Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
