I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he just fucked me for my cheese..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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