I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
