I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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