she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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