Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
