and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want to make out with him forever
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
