I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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