NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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