The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
