let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
