you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
