You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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