Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
