Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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