Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
