i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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