I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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