fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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