WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
