Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
