You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
