just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
