This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
