you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
home. puking in laundry basket.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize