So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
